Ask Kellwin?

Define "Love".......

2009-06-06T00:53:00.000-07:00

You know so many times I hear the words "I love you". However, so many people are so unhappy in love. I sit and wonder what makes them unhappy in love. Well, what comes to my mind is that they have settle on the cards(love) that they have been dealt. I think so many people will avoid the strife of not having the love that they want if they clearly define what they think love is and live by that love. Some are in situations where they say "I love you" or "they love me" when it just does not seem right. You know why it does not seem right....because its not what you feel deep down as for as what love should be. I have been in situations thinking...I love you...OMG ....this is it...and low and behold after a few miss phone calls, no visits...I am asking myself...."Who was that somebody last week??" LOL...you know...it is what it is. You have to take things for what they are worth and so many times we try to make a situation more than what it actually is. That feeling of forever. Once I gave up that feeling of forever, life has never been so much better. Because I ended up lowering my standards and learning to live in the moment. The moment is right now. If I love that somebody right now...I am going to say...I LOVE YOU...and if tomorrow comes and that love is gone...ON TO THE NEXT. Tomorrow is not promise. We have to live in the moment and you know what....you have no control over the future ..therefore go with how you feel right now. The right now is all that you have. Why not take advantage of what you can do. Once you tap into the moment you can make a conscience decisiion on doing you. You know if you meet that somebody. And, that somebody turns you on physically however you do not know them personally. BUT, you are sexually attracted to them. If you can freak them down knowing you can get up without any emotional scars, GO FOR WHAT YOU KNOW. BUT, if you are feeling sexually and you know if you lay down with them and you are going to get up feeling EMPTY....PASS THEM BY!!!!! When we learn to set our expectations on our actions we will be better people as well as happier. And, there is no happiness like the one that you have worked so hard for as well as the one that you feel like you have deserved.

Are we a victim of the "Fantasy" syndrome??

2008-08-02T07:57:00.000-07:00

The "fantasy" syndrome is what I call that glow you have on your face when you meet someone new and exciting. I mean you are telling all of your family, friends, the girl at the 7/11, the mailman that is trying to deliver your mail, basically anyone that will listen to you talk about them. You cannot get them off of your mind...the conversation is great, you just laugh..even though the damn joke was not funny and in your mind you are really thinking "his/her azz is corny as hell. Each time you think of them you just light up. Your smile is so big it can light up the Empire State building. Every thing about the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE (LMAO) does is perfect. They cannot do no wrong. They are the perfect somebody that is about to ROCK your world (in a good or a bad way).

No matter if you have to pay for everything. "So, I'm on cloud 99". No matter if you have to constantly wait by the phone to hear from them. "So, I'm on cloud 99". No matter how they talk down to you or try to change you. "So, I'm on cloud 99". No matter how you have to initiate each date. "So, I'm on cloud 99". No matter how date night is always at 12am at YOUR house. "So, I'm on cloud 99". No matter how you do not have the home number or the MAIN cell number and you can only call during certain times. "So, I'm on cloud 99". What I am saying is that during these times of the "fantasy" syndrome..........

We overlook things that we know damn well is not going to work once the "fantasy" syndrome is over. It normally does not take long for us to get over the "fantasy" syndrome. Due to the fact, I really feel like when many people initially meet they are meeting under false pretense and giving each other a fake sense of reality. For example, I remember when I asked someone "are you a jealous person??" ...and their response was "NO"...you know the whole I am not crazy or would never go into a jealous rage, stalk your phone, your job, your house, cut your tires, put suga in your tank speech....Don't act like you have never heard that speech...LMAO (hell, I have sometimes given it....LMAO) Well, as time moves on ...you realize while you are in this "fantasy" syndrome..the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE (LMAO) has issues with jealousy. But, because we are in "fantasy" mode-we think it is cute or they must really like/love me(slightly tilting my head to the left and batting my eyes with a smirk on my face). Uummmmmmmmm.....OKAY!

I cannot tell you how many times I have fallen for the whole fantasy syndrome. I will be the first to step up and say that in the beginning it is hard to decipher what is real and what is just "fantasy". I know I have been in a position where I have just needed to fill the void of loneliness. So, I have a tendency to just settle for what that person is giving me to remain in the "fantasy". I know many people would say....YOU SHOULD NOT SETTLE! Well, hell during those times when that fake sense of reality comes along after you have spent endless nights alone at the dinner table and in the bed (where you have explored each part of your body due to boredom and going crazy needing to be touched)....YOU SETTLE FOR THAT FAKE SENSE OF REALITY.

OKAY! OKAY! OKAY!......I will talk about the BIG ELEPHANT in the room. IT IS HARD TO WALK AWAY FROM THE FANTASY AND SOMETIMES WE DO BECOME VICTIM'S OF THE "FANTASY" SYNDROME! I feel like it is hard to walk away due to fear of being alone. You know as we get older and we are not in a loving relationship or the tramp couple next to you on the train is kissing...you begin to take and accept whatever comes your way. To me it is different than the person that "HAS or NEED" to be with someone. I am speaking more so of the joy and not the need of sharing your life with someone else.

A way not to become a victim of the "fantasy" syndrome is to realize and accept the good and the bad from the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE (LMAO) in the BEGINNING and make a conscience decision if the who and where they are in the world work for the good of YOU and where you are in YOUR life.

"GIVE what is GIVEN"....

2008-08-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

You know so many times we sit and wonder why certain people do certain things. We ask ourselves why do they treat me this way when I give so much and they give so little. You know the whole "he/she complete me" statement. I totally disagree with that statement. And, the reason I do is because..

Are we only 50% when you got into a committed relationship with him/her? So, when they leave or you are not getting what you need in the relationship that will make you 100%.... you slide back down like a stripper on a pole to 50%.

We need to wake up and get ourselves together in order for us to start out at 100% (but, we will cover that in a future post). I suggest when we find ourselves in these type of relationships it is due to the fact that we are not giving what is given. Listed below you will find an examples (yes, I have more...) of what that means:

You leave a message for your significant other to return a call back to you at 3pm and when you hear from them it is 3pm the next day. Ummmmmm....NO! But, what we would do is beat that phone up(because we are only at 50%) knowing in this day in time....you have caller id even when you don't want it. Trust me when I say...they saw either when you called and hit ignore to send your 50% self to voicemail or that missed call. But, it is easier for us to beat that phone up than to just sit and give what is given.

There is another virtue called PATIENCE. Leave your message and find you something to do that does not allow you to constantly check your phone or stalk them via Verizon, Sprint, or AT&T. They will eventually call and you should push aside that 15% of yourself that you have left because by this time you are PISSED and learn how to use their actions to your advantage because they will be calling you in the future and leave a message (even if you have to hit the ignore button).

After the love of your life(LMAO), leave that message you do exactly what they did. You wait 24hrs and call them back just as chipper and happy avoiding the fact you got their message 24hrs ago, you saw all the calls. I guarantee it will spark....."YOU DID NOT GET MY MESSAGE OR SEE ME CALLING YOU???". My response would be....Ummmm...Why are you yelling...its not that serious....and I am sure you will hear...."Oh, its not that serious??" My response, Ummmmm...NO! "Kellwin, why do you think its not that serious??" "I am so glad you asked..because I have decided to give you the relationship you give me. You wait 24hrs to return my call...I thought that is how we were doing it...so, when you left that message..I did not see it as a priority because you have already set the precedent that I have 24hrs to return your call."

What I have learned is that people are not comfortable when you give them exactly what they give you. Most people cannot handle themselves or stand to be in a relationship with themselves. So, I ask them...WHY IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THAT TOO ME AND I AM OK WITH IT???? I live by the saying in the good book ...Treat me like you want to be treated...give me the relationship you want and I will definitely do the same. I will always give what is given and I have an open door policy so feel free to give me the relationship I give you.....(yea, I am equal opportunist...LOL)

Let me know your thoughts........k~